Answers stem from problems. I thought this in the shower, sitting next to my husband as we stared at each other, exhausted from the months we had just come through. Utterly exhausted in every way that we just stared at each other. The debate was out, was it all worth it? I said yes it was, he wasn’t so sure. I said that although it was very hard, although a few people questioned whether it was a good idea to keep going at this point, I knew deep down that I had to, I wanted to. I couldn’t have done it without him, no way, or all the other people that helped. If we couldn’t do this, than how would we be able to do the other even bigger dreams we had?
Before I even knew that I had been accepted to do this degree my word for the year was this, “You will do things you thought you could never do.” And every month, every placement, every year, I stand in awe of what has been accomplished. And it is not me alone that is to be commended but my entire family, my God, everyone that is with me, beside me and behind me.
I fall sometimes into feelings of guilt, is this a personal interest you are putting above all else? Above your family? Above your well being? Everyone will have different ideas on this and that’s okay, every situation is unique, every relationship with God is unique. I feel that if he wanted me to stop, he would tell me. He has not told me to stop, or pause. And just because things get hard, REALLY hard, does not mean to stop. We must consider that with great advancement in the things we are called by God to do, there will be great opposition from the one who wants us to fail. As he sees you gaining pace and momentum he will unleash at all costs, whatever it takes to bring you down. He knows your weakness, he knows what you hold dear.
I write this intensely because your calling in this life is not something that is taken lightly by either sides. The more opposition you face, consider how great your impact is that this much opposition is needed to try and take siege of you.
I watched an episode of The Crown, and Elizabeth as newly appointed queen upsets her husband, by telling him that she, and the children must not take his name anymore, but take her households name. She throws her family life upside down by moving them from the family home they all loved to the cold Buckingham Palace, which neither of them like. All because she was the queen, and she had a duty to her country. How many times have individuals, family’s and marriages sacrificed for a purpose that reaches beyond them?
So, I said in the shower, “Imagine a life with no problems… You would never come up with answers”. How much can be answered? How much can be sought through, resolved by going through the very thing we hate, problems, obstacles, things that are hard, REALLY hard. They can make or break us. When they do break us we can choose for it to be momentary, and take the time to heal before we rise again, to the challenge that still waits ahead for us.
Regroup, rethink, remember who you are and why your here. You are here for more than your immediate circle, and individual needs and wants, you are here for others. I must remember this. Currently I feel like I’m flat out caring for myself in this current state. That’s okay, to sometimes… Actually no, to frequently, take time to care for yourself.
No body can do what you can, you are priceless…
We walked through the cane paddocks today, along the train line, I said “I really like walking this way, off the path”, “I know you do, that’s why I chose to go this way” Adrian replied. I am glad that I have someone with me who will walk this way with me, and every time we find a problem, we have found an answer. I want to keep finding answers with you my love, thank you for being there with me.