The last thing I needed was a stationary shop with big words. You know, the kind of big words that get plastered to everything these days? From your journals, wall canvas, to the little wrappers that wrap up your panty liners.
Here are the most common and cliche, not saying I don’t own anything with these plastered on…
DREAM BIG (wow, so original)
SAY YES (how about no?)
So this is what’s shouting at me literally the same day I go to the doctors with my white flag, actually lets say that SURRENDER was my big word for that day, or HELP ME, either will do. And I get pissed off, excuse me stationary? Stop telling me to do all these things, I have been! And now look whats happened, I’m crawling in to whatever GP has an available 15mins and is bulk billed, for medicinal relief.
As I’m writing this I do have that thought, do you really want to tell people that much about yourself? Cause people will frown that I’m using antidepressants (again), people might even smirk and think “finally she has realized she can’t do it all and she is falling in one big heap!”.
But I have fallen before, and I’m not afraid of falling anymore. And I’m not afraid of revealing myself, because then I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone will know that I’m no superwoman, I’m just a woman, just like them.
I love to write and express myself, and it helps me process my thoughts and feelings into words that I can understand and others can (hopefully) too.
So even though right now I can’t stand big words on cute, Scandinavian stationary, they are the words that got me this far and I will keep going. Two scriptures are for me on my student midwife journey, and maybe they speak to others too.
“Counsel and sound judgement are mine, I have insight, I have power.”
“God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering”
My trip to Kikki-K was a few weeks ago now, and I’m happy to say that I’m feeling a lot better. I’m focusing on looking after myself. I did the typical, chop your hair off, cause you can’t control anything else ( did that after my first child ), and ate a lot of chocolate from the vending machine just outside birth suite, I also bought clothes.
I found it interesting that when I wanted to calm down I reverted back to housewife of the year duties. I cleaned and baked, did things I knew I could do with ease, that didn’t have a guideline I had to read and adhere to, or several well meaning people tell me to do it 17 different ways!
Adrian said it was nice to have a stay at home wife again, funny how much it gets missed when it’s all left for him to do (you did amazing age) 😉 And he will soak it up for a few more weeks, then I put my uniform back on and I’ll look at big words again and start the second half of my journey as midwife in the making. He (God) is big when I am small.